Penile orgasms are great. Truly, they are.
But, when it comes to men’s pleasure, that’s not all there is.
There’s another organ, that, when stimulated, can produce extraordinary, full-body orgasms that test the limits of what male pleasure can mean.
Meet the prostate, everybody. A walnut-sized gland responsible for creating part of the fluid that comprises semen, it’s often referred to the “male G-spot” on account of the intense, wholly unique style of climax it can bring on.
However, pleasure is only one benefit of prostate play. Regularly massaging and stimulating that area helps flush out the prostate, increase blood flood to the pelvic floor and strengthen the pelvic muscles; effects which can decrease impotence and help prevent prostate cancer. In fact, prostate massage –– or “prostate milking,” as it’s sometimes called –– is what many proctologists recommend to their patients in order to keep them healthy and high-functioning.
But, enough about proctologists. Let’s get back to pleasure. Beyond the strength of the orgasms they can create and the novelty of an undiscovered kind of pleasure, the most fascinating aspect of prostates has to be their capacity for multiple orgasms. Because prostate orgasms can occur independently from ejaculation –– a phenomenon called “dry orgasm” –– they don’t undergo the same refractory period that prevents men from orgasming over and over.
In layman’s terms, they can go all night.
Anyone with a prostate can have a prostate orgasm, yet most men have never experienced one. So, in order to demystify the experience and help you discover one of your body’s most valuable, unexplored resources, we created a prostate-palooza of sorts to help you get started.
Here’s how to find your prostate, stimulate it and learn how to have a prostate orgasm.
What is prostate milking?
“Prostate milking” is just another word for prostate stimulation or massage. People do it for a variety of reasons, but the two most common ones are to improve prostate health and because it can feel really, really good.
In fact, because the prostate is capable of orgasming in the absence of ejaculation, many men find they can have intense multiple orgasms without shedding a drop of semen. This can prolong and intensify pleasure and help them keep up with their partners.
Who does it?
Anyone with a prostate!
While any type of anal play is often incorrectly labeled “gay men’s territory,” all people with prostates can enjoy this kind of stimulation regardless of their sexual orientation or relationship status. Playing with it won’t make you gay any more than eating spaghetti makes you Italian. Remember: the prostate is a gland, not a sexual orientation.
Likewise, anyone of any gender or orientation can –– and does –– provide prostate stimulation for their partners.
Additionally, while prostate stimulation is often thought of as something older men do to maintain their health at the request of their doctors, prostate stimulation can be fun no matter how long you’ve been alive. Like Pharrell, the prostate doesn’t age.
Where is your prostate?
One of the first questions people have about prostate play is where the prostate (or P-spot) actually is. While it’s not visible from the naked eye, it’s not actually too hard to find inside the body. There are two ways to do it.
If you want to find the prostate, you have to go through the rectum. The prostate sits about 3 or 4 inches up inside rectum, right below the bladder, on the same side of the body as the belly button. It’s roughly an inch wide, and tends to have the texture of a soft walnut or a ripe plum –– firm, but with a little give. Typically, the prostate has a distinct texture from the rest of the rectum, so you should be able to feel it, especially if the person is aroused. During arousal, the prostate starts to swell with blood and fluid that it releases during ejaculation, making it larger, firmer and more obvious to the touch.
Accessing the prostate externally is a less direct method, but it’s great for people who aren’t quite ready for anal penetration. To find it, press gently upward on the perineum (the area between the anus and the testicles) until you feel a firm bulge. If you don’t feel it right away, communicate with your partner to see if you can use a firmer touch. Once you feel it through the perineum, you can stroke it with your fingers or a toy from the outside.
Who has a prostate?
Pretty much anyone who has a penis has a prostate. However, some trans women and non-binary folks do as well. By and large, folks who have uteruses do not have prostates. However, the prostate is analogous to the female G-spot in terms of how far inside the body it is, what sort of stimulation it tends to like, and the sort of toys that work best to access it.
How to have a prostate orgasm
1. Consent and communication
While many folks think prostate play is the greatest thing ever, it’s 103 percent NOT something you should spring on an unsuspecting partner; nor is it a jolly, welcome surprise when the person doesn’t know it’s coming. We can’t pretend to know everything about you, but we’re guessing you wouldn’t want someone to randomly stick a finger or toy up your butt without your knowledge or consent, so do unto other’s butts as you’d have them do to yours and ask first.
While you’re at it, ask them how they’d like their prostate to be played with. Your partner might have some experience in this area that provides some guidance, but you may also be working with someone who’s never experienced this before. Either way, it’s important to know where they’re at so you can provide the kind of touch that’ll feel best.
If you’re the person being penetrated in this situation, make sure to let your partner know if you have any boundaries, needs or direction you’d like them to take –– not everyone is a certified Prostate Pro™, so the more communicative you can be about what feels good to you, the better you’ll equip your partner to do a good job.
Alternatively, if you don’t have a partner and are playing alone, feel free to skip this step … or, get consent from yourself and have a rousing internal dialogue in the bathroom mirror about what feels good and what doesn’t.
That’s cool too.
A huge part of having a prostate orgasm is relaxation, and a huge part of relaxation is knowing you’ve taken the necessary precautions to so that it can happen safely, comfortably, and in the absence of any unwanted mess.
More specifically, you may want to douche.
While some people possess a certain level of mystical intuition about the cleanliness of their rectums at any given time and don’t need to take this step, most of us aren’t quite sure whether the coast is clear down there or not. If you’re uncertain, a quick douche or household enema before you start playing can be a good idea. This will flush the rectum of any unwanted contents so you can focus on what’s going into the rectum, not what’s coming out. Some folks go full Hazmat and follow this up with a shower, but that’s really only necessary if you feel like it is.
Trimming your fingernails is also another way to make things more comfortable for everyone. Whether you’re giving or receiving penetration, the skin around the anus is thin, sensitive and can tear, so keeping your fingers trimmed and clean as you explore that area is an excellent idea.
Additionally, if you have a partner you’re not fluid-bonded with –– or if you have any reservations about hygiene or cleanliness –– it helps to have some paper towels and latex or nitrile gloves nearby.
3. Warm up
Prostate pleasure is largely predicated on how relaxed the anus and rectum are at the time of penetration. If someone is nervous or uncomfortable, their anal sphincter tends to tighten, making penetration painful. Their prostate is also likely to be less prominent and not as pleasurable.
So, for the best shot at a prostate orgasm, it’s important that the person being penetrated (and their anus) is relaxed, comfortable and aroused. The more relaxed they are, the more relaxed their anal muscles will be, and the more prominent and sensitive their prostate will become (much like the G-spot, the prostate performs optimally when a person is already aroused and into it.)
Try warming up with some sensual body massage on whatever parts of you or your partner feel good to touch. It can be particularly effective to start broad, playing with other erogenous zones such as the nipples, necks and genitals, before moving towards the buttocks. Then, using long, slow grazes and strokes, massage the buttocks and external anal area until you feel your partner melt into your hands. Light spanking with a hand, crop, flogger or paddle can work too, if that’s your thing. Warming up like this will help increase circulation to your partner’s anal area, which helps them relax. It also shows that you care about their pleasure and comfort –– you’re here for their whole body, not just that amazing thing inside their anus.
However, it’s your warm-up. Do whatever you need to do to feel relaxed and aroused. If you’re not sure how to get your partner as turned on as you can before you start touching their prostate, the simple art of asking them is a great way to find out.
4. Lube, lube and more lube
Because the anus, rectum and prostate do not self-lubricate, it’s up to you to take on that exciting role. Lubrication is especially important for any type of penetrative anal play because it protects sensitive tissues from tearing, provides a cushion of comfort, and enhances pleasurable sensations pretty much anywhere you put it. It also makes inserting something into the anus –– and removing it later –– an easier and more comfortable process.
So, before you start, apply a generous amount of high quality lube to both the anus and whatever is being used to penetrate it. You can also use what’s called a “lube shooter” to get lube higher up into the rectum, closer to the prostate.
5. Go for it!
What happens next is largely dependent on whether you’re using a toy, fingers or a penis to stimulate the prostate, but in general, the safest bet is to insert whatever you’re inserting into the anus quite slowly, and stop once it’s about 3-ish inches in. If what you’re using has a curved head, insert it so the curve is facing frontwards (towards the navel.) The curve should either naturally fit around the prostate or should put some direct pressure on it. Adjust as necessary.
If what you’re using does not have a curve, angle it slightly towards the navel, or move it around until you or your partner can feel it on the prostate. If you’re using fingers, curve them in a “come-hither” shape and feel around until you find a plump, ridged bulge with a distinctly different texture than the rest of the rectum. That’s the prostate! You found it. Great job.
From here, do whatever feels good! You can either use your fingers or a prostate toy to get you going. Some folks respond to a thrusting, in-and-out motion where something slips back and forth across the prostate but doesn’t necessarily target it. This method is best for people who either don’t like direct prostate pressure, or who just enjoy the feeling of anal penetration in general.
Others prefer a more direct feeling. Some people like when their partners massage their prostate with their fingers using tiny circles or a “come hither” motion. Others prefer to clench and un-clench their kegel muscles, pulsing what’s penetrating them against their prostate in a sort of knocking manner (which is actually what proctologists recommend people do with toys for prostate health.)
In general, the prostate tends to respond to firm, repetitive pressure, almost like you’re coaxing it towards the navel. But, because everyone’s body is different, make sure to communicate with your partner (or yourself) about whether it’s too hard, too soft, just right or some mix of all three. Experiment with different sensations and modes of touch until you find something that works for you. There’s no right or wrong way to stimulate a prostate –– it’s all about what that prostate’s owner finds most exciting.
Continue with the sort of stimulation that feels good until you climax. We put together a list of the best prostate toys for you here.
That’s great, but what does a prostate orgasm actually feel like?
Because each person is different, there are an infinite amount of answers to this question. Many men say that prostate pleasure feels like the beginning of an orgasm; like when the sensation is just beginning to climax and they hit a point of no return. However, with prostate orgasms, this sensation tends to be much more long-lasting, expansive, and full-body. Since prostate orgasms can occur in the absence of ejaculation, many people find they can make this sensation last as long as they want.
Much like the quality of orgasm differs between clitoris and G-spot, the quality of orgasm differs between the penis and prostate. It doesn’t feel like a penile orgasm (although it may be accompanied by one.) Rather, it’s its own, unique sensation that can be really exciting to discover. Many folks find it empowering to know that they’re able to experience orgasm from more than one erogenous zone, and it can be liberating to have the weight of your sexual expression dispersed across body parts other than the penis.
But, don’t take our word for it … let’s hear from some folks who have actually had one.
“For me, I find that I am simply overcome by the sheer power of the orgasm. It’s not a whole lot better, per se, but it is a lot stronger. As in after it happens I’m stuck there out of breath and trembling for at least a few minutes. As if all of my energy had just been sucked out of my body and concentrated into a ridiculous orgasm. P-spot is the way to go. It doesn’t replace a regular orgasm, but it makes a really nice treat every once in a while.”
Source: Rooster Magazine
“They are amazing! It feels like you’re brought to the brink of orgasm, but you stay there for a long time before the pleasure just takes over and you explode. I do think it can be difficult when you try to achieve a prostate orgasm by yourself. You end up focusing on the thrusts instead of being able to fixate on the immense pleasure. It’s much better with a partner when you are able to lie there and just enjoy the feeling, while they go to town on it.”
“It feels so good to know that I can come in more ways than one. I’ve always sort of envied women’s ability to do that, and to experience my own ‘male G-spot,’ as it were, has been an extremely enlightening and exciting experience. Is ‘liberated’ the right word?” – Anonymous Ella employee
How to use a prostate massager
If you don’t have a partner to milk your prostate or your own fingers aren’t doing the trick, you can always buy a prostate massaging toy.
While anything inserted into the anus can technically stimulate the prostate, most prostate-specific massagers are designed to fit snugly around the prostate or to sit directly on it. For this reason, many are curved or angled. This makes it easier to locate and massage the prostate directly, as opposed to the greater area it sits in. Additionally, prostate massagers have a flared base or handle that keeps it from getting pushed too far up, and makes it easy to adjust and remove.
To use your toy, make sure you follow the same guidelines laid about above in terms of lubrication, relaxation and arousal. When you’re ready, apply a generous amount of lube to the toy of your choice, and insert it very slowly with the curve facing forward (towards the navel). You should be able to feel when the toy is in place –– you may notice a little jolt of pleasure, sensitivity or the sensation of the toy “fitting.”
Great. Now, you can go one of two ways.
The first is to stimulate yourself by manually moving the toy in whatever way feels good.
The other is a more hands-free situation. With the toy comfortably in place, begin to clench and un-clench your kegel muscles. This will cause the toy to bob up and down, pulsing the head of the toy on the prostate. If the toy is on the thinner side (see: Aneros Progasm Prostate Massager), this may also cause the toy to rock back and forth gently so that every time you clench, the head lightly “taps” the prostate.
You can do this for however long you like! Many prostate massagers are designed to be worn for multiple hours, meaning you can discreetly wear them all around town, doing your prostate exercise, and no one will be the wiser.
Back at home, feel free to combine this technique with hands, mouths, vaginas, other anuses, strokers or whatever else sends you over the top. The more blood flow and arousal you can conjure up during prostate play, the better it can feel and the healthier it is for you and your prostate.
1. If you happen to have a G-spot, think about what sort of pressure or stimulation that would feel good for you. Chances are, because the prostate and G-spot are analogous structures, what feels good for you will feel good for your partner (although make sure to communicate to make sure that’s true for them.)
2. Kegel muscles! Everyone has them. Not only do they help us control urination and genital blood flow, they also assist during orgasm by providing waves of pleasurable contractions that stimulate nerves all over the pelvic floor. Learning to control and strengthen your kegel muscles can help you increase circulation to the prostate (and genitals), which can help you have stronger, longer-lasting prostate orgasms.
3. Some folks love prostate stimulation on its own, but others get more out of it when their penis is being stimulated at the same time. Good thing you can easily combine prostate play with oral sex, penetrative sex or strokes from a hand or a toy to ensure all the right spots are being hit.
4. If the receiver feels a sudden urge to urinate, that might mean you’re using a tad too much pressure. Slow down and go a bit lighter –– it might feel a bit more comfortable (unless, that is, they’re enjoying that sensation.)
5. Even when you’ve taken all the right steps to lubricate and arouse the prostate, some folks don’t really feel much. Others can feel it just fine; they just don’t necessarily enjoy it. Both reactions are totally okay. Prostate play is not everyone’s thing, and it might take a few times for it to start feeling optimal (if it does at all.) Keep experimenting, though –– it tends to feel better the more often you try. If nothing’s working, it might not be you –– try switching up the position you’re in, what toys you’re using or the partner you’re doing it with.
Want more tips? Check out the full instructional video below from our friends at CalExotics:
No one will ever understand that.
Ibby has written for Playboy, Harper's BAZAAR, Flaunt, Animals, Rooster Magazine and this very site you're on now.