We get it. Sometimes the spark around sex fades over time. And you know what? It’s a common and completely normal experience. There are so many reasons why sex fades over time. Today, we’re talking about ways to increase that spark and be more adventurous to have more fun with your sex life.
Reasons why sex isn’t fun anymore
First things first, there are plenty of good reasons why sex might not seem fun anymore. Libido changes, medicine such as certain anti-depressants, stress, the obligations of day-to-day life, and being in a long-term relationship can all contribute to the fun of sex fading.
It’s helpful to note that while sex might fade, happen less frequently, or feel limited in what is on the menu, there is always room to learn and experiment. Stress and everyday life might halt the fun temporarily, but it comes back with a few tricks!
10 ideas to bring the fun back to bed
1. Get a room. Literally.
If you want to have more fun in your sex life, plan a sexy getaway vacation with you and your boo. Sometimes, changing your scenery and breaking away from your traditional and, at times, downright oppressive schedules can be just what the doctor prescribes for adding that extra something special. Because stress is a major player in what disrupts sex, make sure to make time to unwind and relax so that you’re in the mood.
2. Pretend you’re strangers
We know, it’s a roleplay as old as time, but there’s something to it! For couples who have been together for a long time, sometimes the sex can feel played or rehearsed. Play a stranger, and you might be more uninhibited to channel your true desires and not let routine get in the way. It also is a fun experiment to see a new side of your partner. Just make sure that you have a quick conversation about what is and is not on the table to do as strangers before the roleplay happens. Meet at a bar or coffee shop and see where it takes you!
3. Try a new position
Routine sex is there for a reason. You know what feels good for one another, so you go to your top two positions for the evening rather than try something new. Head to the Kama Sutra for inspiration and try a new way to get it on.
4. Try mutual masturbation
There are two surprise benefits to mutual masturbation. The first is that masturbation can increase libido. The second is that watching your partner touch themself can be a major turn-on! You can try mutual masturbation as part of foreplay, as the primary sexual activity, or as a kinky roleplay.
5. Try a couple’s toy or vibe
Bringing a sex toy to the bedroom can be exactly what’s needed for that extra element of fun. For one, sex toys can ensure more orgasms and different kinds of orgasms. Sex toys also break up routine sex and add some excitement to the mix.
6. Experiment with kink and BDSM
There are endless ways to experiment with kink and BDSM in your relationship. You can play with power dynamics (where one partner is the Dominant and the other partner is submissive.) You can also try out restraints, whether store-bought or homemade, by using a tie or scarf. You can inflict delicious punishment to your partner with impact play from your hand or a flogger.
Before experimenting with BDSM, it’s essential to discuss what you agree and don’t agree to. As always, check in with your partner before, during, and after sex with words, but also make sure that their body language signifies they are comfortable. For example, if you are flogging someone and they respond by constricting their muscles and pulling away, you are using too much force. Start slowly and increase gradually. With BDSM, start small before trying big fantasies to ensure that you are both comfortable in whatever you decide to have fun exploring.
7. Try reading erotica or watching ethical porn together
Sometimes, getting warmed up is why couples have a hard time enjoying sex—they don’t spend enough time on foreplay. Reading sexy stories or watching ethical porn can help people get their sexual gears going and inspire new positions or sex acts. Watching ethical porn together can also inspire conversations around new turn-ons you didn’t know you had.
8. Have a sweet treat
Food and foreplay make quite the power couple. Food can invigorate the senses and increase arousal when used in the bedroom. You can enjoy a sweet treat while simultaneously driving your partner crazy by licking it off of their body. Or, make out after taking a bite of a strawberry. Just make sure you keep sugar out of the vagina! Popular items to bring into the bedroom are honey, whipped cream, strawberries, and ice cream.
9. Take a couple’s sex class
To stir up hot sex, head to your local sex toy shop to take a class on something that piques your interest. Even if you think you’re a pro in the sheets, there are always things to learn. After all, if you don’t see sex as something you can expand your vocabulary around, things might start to feel stunted. You can also look up courses online taught by sex coaches and sex educators on tips, tricks, and tools to use during sex. Taking a sex class together can inspire conversations around shared fantasies. You might just learn something completely unexpected about you or your partner.
10. Talk about it
At the end of the day, what’s fun for you sexually is completely dependent on you and your unique preferences. Sometimes, all it takes is a simple conversation about what to explore next to reignite the spark.
We hope we’ve inspired you to bring the spark back to doing it. After all, sex is all about play and pleasure, AKA having a good time.