Whoa now! Simmer down. I’m not saying that penetration isn’t a sexual act. I’m just getting tired of this orthodox definition. “Oh, you’ve only been with women? That makes you a gold star!” Which is just code that you’re untouched by a man. Which in some cases leads to, “so, then . . . you’re a virgin?” (Glare). Say what now?! How can anyone think this way? Especially other women. Sexual denial is like tampering with history; you can drive it down, but it still exists. It’s as if these women have lost touch with their sexual autonomy. No penis = not really sex. Or, to take it to the next level, no penis & vagina = not really sex. Garfunkel and Oates’ hit “The Loophole” shows just how pervasive our sexual denial is. Really? Anal sex isn’t sex? Hmm, because I believe that’s the primary sex act for many.
Okay, now I need to simmer down. “Then, what is sex?” you ask. Sex = intimacy. That’s all there is to it. Being a woman that loves women, I’ve enjoyed an array of different personalities. From the experienced, the curious, to the I-didn’t-even-know. Each possessed a sexual style and different levels of confidence when it comes to girl-on-girl action. I don’t discredit a woman based on her level of homosexual experience. And why would I? All that’s required is an open mind and a willingness to explore (I’d say this is the case with any sex act).
Our relationship and sexual experiences together were not some experiment – our feelings were real and our sex was real.
I dated a female coworker a few years back that understood this well. I thought our relationship would be a limited encounter, like two ships passing, but it lasted quite a while. Our relationship and sexual experiences together were not some experiment – our feelings were real and our sex was real. Like any other couple, sometimes we used toys for clitoral stimulation or penetration, and sometimes we just used our bodies. And like any other couple, we shared an intimacy that cannot be erased and now I am a part of her history, and she of mine.
Our time together didn’t change her sexual identity. Or make her a man-hater. We were just two women embraced. What’s so threatening about calling intimacy between one woman and another woman “sex”?