Having penetrative sex for the first time can be a bit scary. It also comes with a lot of questions…
But losing your virginity doesn’t have to be daunting. Take the time to understand any fears and questions you have before hopping into bed with your partner. Mental and physical preparation will set you up for a smooth first time in the sheets.
Common Questions About Having Sex For the First Time:
1. Will having sex for the first time hurt?
Every body is different. For some, having sex for the first time may hurt or be physically uncomfortable. For others, it may feel amazing. And for many, losing your virginity will entail a little bit of both.
The discomfort or pain a person with a vagina experiences while having sex for the first time is largely related to the hymen, the tissue located at the opening of the vagina. Some people have more hymenal tissue than others, and the pain or discomfort that often occurs during the first time is due to this part of the vagina stretching.
So yes, having sex for the first time may hurt a little. It is nothing to be afraid of, but be sure to communicate with your partner how you are feeling. And at the end of the day, if you are not ready or not wanting to continue, you do not have to.
2. Can you get pregnant when having sex for the first time?
Oh yes. You have just as much of a chance of getting pregnant the first time you have sex as you do any other time.
Luckily, there are numerous ways to prevent pregnancy. Condoms are an effective birth control method, in addition to being the only way to prevent the spread of STDs. In addition to condoms, many people use other forms of contraception to prevent pregnancy, including oral contraction, implants, IUDs and vaginal rings.
Remember, even though the forms of contraception listed above are effective preventatives of pregnancy, they do not protect against sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and diseases (STDs).
So, to ensure your sexual health is well taken care of, be sure to always use a condom, even if you are on another form of birth control.
3. Will there be blood when I have vaginal sex for the first time?
The simple answer is maybe.
Whether or not you bleed while having vaginal sex for the first time will depend on the tightness of your hymen and the amount of tissue there.
For many people, bleeding during the first time is normal. It should not scare you, nor should it be embarrassing for you. If it makes you feel more comfortable, talk about the potential of blood before you dive in.
General Tips for Having Sex for the First Time
1. Right place, right partner.
When it comes to having sex for the first time, you want to make sure that you are in the right place and with the right partner.
What does this mean exactly?
The right place is somewhere that you are comfortable. Anxiety and stress are common emotions when losing your virginity, and being in a relaxed environment can help to ease those feelings in the moment.
Stepping into this sexual experience with the right person is far more subjective. The “right person” does not have to be someone you are in a committed relationship with. However, this person should be someone that you are comfortable with.
You want to have a partner that you can communicate with before, during and after you have sex for the first time.
2. Get familiar with your body first.
This tip is a valuable one and should not be overlooked.
The first time you have sex will be a new experience regardless. However, the more you know about your anatomy and pleasure before you sneak under the sheets will only help the process.
You can start exploring with your fingers or invest in a beginner-friendly sex toy.
A toy will give you the opportunity to learn about what feels good and what doesn’t. It also may help ease anxiety around first-time penetration.
If you are new to the world of self-pleasure, be patient with yourself and embrace the process of better understanding your body. If you need some assistance on how to venture down this path, check out these tips for choosing your first toy.
3. Buckle up.
In the sheets, your seatbelt is a condom.
As mentioned earlier in this post, condoms are the only way to prevent the spread of STDs during sex. They are also an effective form of birth control.
Additionally, it is important to understand that you can have and spread STDs even if you have not had penetrative sex before. Sexually transmitted infections are not exclusive to penetration and can be passed along through oral sex.
4. Set the scene with foreplay.
Foreplay is the opening act to sex and includes everything from kissing and sexually charged conversation to nipple play and touching one another’s genitals.
The primary purpose of foreplay is to create mutual sexual excitement. This comes with numerous benefits, especially for those who are having sex for the first time.
Foreplay allows you and your partner to ease into sex and actually helps the body prepare for intercourse. Doing so will promote natural lubrication of the vagina and penile erection.
So don’t overlook what comes before…
5. As slow and steady as you need…
No matter if you are having sex for the first time ever or simply engaging with a new partner, move at the pace that is most comfortable for you.
And it is just as important for you to listen to the preferences and needs of your partner. Finding a pace that suits the comfort level of each of you is the key to creating a safe, healthy and fruitfully exploratory sexual experience.
Finding out what makes you the most comfortable is the first step. Learning what makes your partner most comfortable is the next. And the cherry on top is consent.
Moving at the pace that is ideal for you requires you to communicate your needs. While sharing this information prior to having sex is critical, it is equally as important to do so during sex, as you see fit.
In simple terms, the words “no” and “stop” must be a part of your vocabulary.
Just because you enter into an intimate moment with the intent to perform certain sexual acts does not mean that you have to do so if you later learn you are not comfortable.
For example, maybe you’ve talked to your partner plenty about having sex for the first time. You two built up the conversation and planned for the experience. Upon kissing, foreplay, and oral sex, maybe you realize that you are not so ready for penetration.
In this situation and any others like it, it is okay to say no. Never continue with a sexual experience just because you once said you were interested. Listen to yourself in the moment and prioritize your needs. If your partner is not supportive of your decision to pause and pick things up later, they are not someone you should be sharing these experiences with.
6. Don’t forget… lube is your friend.
Adding lubrication into the mix is always a good idea, especially during the first time.
Lube will add a slippery touch to penetration, making things all the more easier and less painful.
However, if you are using a condom, you should steer clear from oil-based lubes. These types of lubes can cause a condom to break. So instead, seek out a water-based lube as your slip n’ slide assistant.
7. Start simple.
If you’ve ever laid eyes on a mainstream porn site, rid those images and expectations from your head as you plan to have sex for the first time.
Keep it simple and start with sex positions that are comfortable for you and your partner.
Tips for Having Anal Sex for the First Time
1. No need for an at-home enema.
While an enema of sorts may seem like a good idea before having anal sex, it is just the opposite.
An enema can actually irritate your intestinal lining and rectum, and may even create excess mucus or dryness.
To avoid these complications, ditch the douching and go for a simple clean with soap and water. Oh, and clearing the bowels before is always a good idea.
2. Start with a toy.
Just as toys are beneficial to those who are about to have vaginal sex for the first time, anal toys are a good place to start for those looking to explore the back door.
You can start with small plugs and work your way up from there (if you find the sensation pleasurable).
Here are a handful of beginner-friendly butt plugs and vibrators that can help you confidently step into this new sexual experience.
The Booty Pop by Better Love
The Better Love Booty Pop is a small vibrating butt plug that allows you to ease into your ideal level of anal arousal. It is the perfect size for those who have not explored the sensational adventure of anal play. Made from premium, body-safe silicone and featuring a rippled design, this toy was crafted with simple pleasure in mind.
The G-Plug (Small) by G-Vibe
Meet the smallest rechargeable butt plug on the market. The G-Vibe G-Plug has a diameter of 3 cm (1.1 in) and features 6 vibration modes with changeable intensity levels. This toy can be used to generate anything from light tremors to intense vibrations, making it the perfect back door buddy for anyone looking to venture into the anal space.
The Ditto by We-Vibe
The We-Vibe Ditto is everything you want in an anal toy. Flexible, soft and comfortable, this vibrating butt plug boasts a tapered neck, 10 vibration modes and is remote control enabled. You can use it during foreplay or on your own to unlock a new level of pleasure.
3. Get things greased up.
Of course lube is a fantastic addition to vaginal sex. But when it comes to anal sex, this greasy friend of yours is absolutely essential.
Unlike the vagina, your butt is not self-lubricating. So whether you are having anal sex for the first time or are a seasoned back door pleasure seeker, it is best you have a bottle of lube lounging on your nightstand.
Remember, condoms and oil-based lubes do not work well together. So if you or your partner are wearing a condom during anal sex, be sure to use water-based or silicone-based lubes that are latex friendly.
4. Be prepared for what happens during anal sex… and after.
Society loves to sensor the butt. This, for whatever reason, has resulted in some of the most natural bodily functions being deemed as unappealing and embarrassing.
Well, here’s the truth: People poop. People fart. And some have anal sex.
So, if you are about to have anal sex for the first time, remind yourself and your partner that some of these functions may make an appearance during and after your back door rodeo.
Fecal matter may very well make a peaceful exit during sex… and maybe a queef will sound.
After anal, you may feel like you have to fart. You should also try and use the bathroom once you wrap up.
This is the reality of anal sex. So, if you or your partner are not ready to accept that, maybe leave the butt out of it.
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