Here’s the thing: there’s no one way to have sex. Contrary to what you might have learned in high school sex ed, there are infinite ways to get it on. When sex toys enter the bedroom, they add endless ways to play, whether through couple’s play, solo play, or anything else you can dream of.
Demystifying myths around using sex toys
There are a few myths to clear up about utilizing sex toys. You deserve to use them shame-free, without any misconceptions that could get in the way of your pleasure.
Myth #1 – Sex toys mean that something is wrong in the bedroom
Yep, it couldn’t be further from the truth. When you bring sex toys into couple’s play, it shows that you prioritize both your and your partner’s pleasure. You also show that you care about trying new things and sexual adventure.
Myth #2 – Only kinky people use sex toys
Again, not valid. While kinksters may absolutely use sex toys, many vanilla people (people with conventional sexual preferences who don’t want to veer from the norm) use sex toys, too. There is a range of sex toys to fit people with every sort of preference, for those who do it missionary once a week (nothing wrong with that) and those who want a different sex act or fantasy every time.
Myth #3 – Sex toys are for lonely singles
If sex toys are for lonely singles, why do couples benefit from using them together? While it’s true that sex toys can help keep your sex life at bay in between partners, it’s a myth that they are only for solo play. Sex toys can help couples tap into their fantasies or access sensations they’ve been dying to try together. We like to think of them as silicone therapists, bringing people closer together.
Myth #4 – Sex toys are for women In a 2020 study by The Kinsey Institute, researchers found that around half of men used sex toys. There are now gender-neutral toys, too. Let’s clear this up once and for all: sex toys are for all genders and sexual orientations!
How should you think of using sex toys?
Think of using sex toys in couple’s play, solo play, and beyond, as connection facilitators. Sex toys can help people better connect to their own bodies, sensations, pleasure, and one another.
People can also think of sex toys as helpful tools to use in the bedroom. Sex toys can give people the range of motion they might need, the exact sensation, or the pressure someone needs to achieve orgasm.
You can also use sex toys as a gateway for talking about sex, pleasure, and fantasies. Romantic dinner for two? Sex toys make a great conversation starter.
Ready for a spoiler alert? You can use any sex toy for couple’s play. You heard that right! Although there are wonderful sex toys designed to give pleasure to multiple people simultaneously, you can benefit from using any sex toy (even if it’s designed for an individual) in the bedroom.
If you typically think of sex where both people have to feel sensation or pleasure at the same time, well, this might be a limiting mentality! Also, giving pleasure, or watching your partner get off, can provide all the satisfaction just to watch.
The range of toys to try together is endless! Try a vibrator, vibrating cock ring, fetish gear, a dildo, butt plug, or anal beads.
If you’re looking for a specific couple’s toy, you might try out a couple’s vibrator, double-dildo, or an app-controlled toy for long-distance to get off when you’re not in the same zip code.
You can also experiment with BDSM toys such as floggers, crops, handcuffs, paddles, or ballgags.
How should you decide what couple’s toy to choose? Talk about it, of course! If you have no idea where to start, head to your local sex toy or online boutique to see what strikes your curiosity.
Before trying any new form of play, it’s always a good idea to check in about your and your partner’s needs and wants. This way, everyone has a good understanding of what to expect. Hint: do not surprise your partner with a new form of couple’s play unless you’ve talked about it before.
Whether you’re using sex toys to amp up your masturbation routine, or your hand, a self-pleasure practice is essential. Why? Masturbation can help reduce stress, increase libido, and help people realize what gives them pleasure. Actually, a 2007 study found that masturbation can lead to more satisfying sex.
There are endless sex toys to choose from when exploring solo play. While vibrators may be a common choice, people can use dildos, air-pulse stimulators, butt plugs, anal beads, masturbation sleeves, and even bondage gear by themself. Some people enjoy a mix of using their hand and a sex toy, just their hand, or just a sex toy.
Sex toys can help provide new sensations like pulsing, air suction, vibrating, or the feeling of being “full.” Because of their possibilities, sex toys can liven a dull masturbation routine, keep it new and exciting, or simply ensure that you get the job done.
Couple’s play, solo play, which is more important?
Both couple’s play and solo play are equally important when it comes to pleasure. A self-pleasure practice is vital because it can provide a quick destresser. Masturbation can also help people figure out what they like before trying an activity with a partner. Couple’s play is about pleasure, too. But it’s also about connecting with other people. Using sex toys during couple’s play can improve intimacy by getting in touch with your desire.
Whether you’re engaging in couple’s play, solo play, or sex with multiple partners at the same time, sex toys can offer a creative way to access pleasure. We hope that talking about pleasure becomes normalized in the coming years because we believe that pleasure is your right and there’s nothing shameful about accessing it, however you should choose.