March Madness: Coronavirus Cancellations, Closures & Working from Home – Time to Embrace Masturbation 0 2099

If you’re keen on what’s happening in Italy during their Coronavirus lock-down, you know things are looking pretty bleak. Last call at the bar is 6pm, only 1 person allowed in bakeries & shops at once, restaurants close for dinner, and all mass-scale events have been cancelled or postponed. Unfortunately, the U.S. isn’t far behind. Colleges are moving toward online classes, public schools are extending spring break, companies are mandating their employees work from home & postpone travel plans, famous super clubs like LIV & Story in Miami suspended operations, and large-scale events like Ultra Music Festival, Coachella and SXSW have been postponed. Coronavirus is seriously being, like, a huge buzzkill!

For anyone who is single, we know you’re probably quite concerned how this is going to affect your love life. If bars & restaurants are closed, where are you going to meet up for your Tinder date? If employers won’t let you travel, how are you supposed to have a hot affair with an English guy in London? If only 1 person is allowed in a shop at a time, there’s absolutely no shot at bumping carts with your next potential girlfriend. If events are cancelled, there’s very little chance of having a hot make out session during your favorite song at Ultra Music Festival in Miami. So what is a single person to do during these lonely times? We’ve got 1 word for you: masturbation (and 2 more: with toys!).

In times like this you cannot rely solely on sex for orgasms, and depriving yourself of orgasms will only make your nights feel even lonelier. Orgasms carry with them a multitude of health benefits we cannot let you pass up. These include but are not limited to stress relief, better sleeping patterns, happiness & mood stabilization, and surprisingly pain relief. With more free time than ever on your hands, we suggest Netflix, Postmates, and a large dose of masturbation. We also suggest to turn your solo sessions up a notch by adding in some toys. Here’s our Coronavirus recommendations.

For People With a Clitoris

If you’ve got a clitoris and love clitoral stimulation, we’ve got some great products to help reach the top of the mountain. Whether it’s vibration from a wand or touch-less stimulation, you’ll go crazy for these toys!

Womanizer Premium


Utilizing Pleasure Air Technology, this is the Rolls Royce of sex toys. We’d say this got its name from its ultra lush, premium look with its ergonomic design – in your hand it just feel like luxury.

LELO Sona 2 Cruise

Sona 2 Cruise

Made of super silky silicone that absorbs all of its sonic waves, this touch-less technology allows you experience mutltiple orgasms. And with all these Corona cancellations at hand, we know you definitely have time for that!

Better Love Mini Zip

Mini Zip

Exclusively available at Ella Paradis, this clitoral stimulator also comes with a 30-day satisfaction guarantee. It’s compact, waterproof, modestly priced, and well honestly it’s exactly what you need!

We-Vibe Wand


Have you heard of We-Vibe? They’re especially popular for couples’ toys but this is their first take on a wand massager and this bad boy definitely gets the job done! 10+ modes, Smart Silence Technology, 100% waterproof PLUS it comes with 2 additional attachments. We approve!

For People With a Vagina

If you prefer to get off via internal vaginal stimulation, step right up to these amazing recommendations! We’ve got rabbits that thrust up and down, rabbits with dual stimulation, and g-spot vibrators sure to make you sing with pleasure – but if you have a roommate, we’d advise not to *actually* sing.

LELO Soraya 2

Soraya™ 2

Technology is also especially when it’s used to make a woman experience an orgasm. LELO utilized special sonographs to design this specifically based off how the vagina is shaped – meaning it will definitely hit your spot/. Plus it’s whisper quiet and 100% waterproof, so go ahead and get yourself a little wet for this one!

Better Love G-Spot Hero

G-Spot Hero

Love orgasms but hate the frills of toys? This is perfect for you – it’s simple, to the point, priced well and comes with a 30-day satisfaction guarantee. Added bonus: 100% waterproof!

Fifty Shades of Grey Greedy Girl

Greedy Girl

36 vibration modes, dual motors, 15 speed patterns, clitoral AND g-spot stimulation – oh this one is definitely made for those greedy humans who love ALL the pleasure!

Ella’s First Rabbit

Did you know a vibrator could rotate inside you? Now you do, and Ella’s First Rabbit provides 5 different rotations, and 12 different settings with multiple vibrators. This definitely will help those lonely Corona nights!

For People With a Penis

Got a penis? Well we’ve got options for you too! Some of these are pretty technologically advanced too with VR options.

Hot Octopuss Pulse Solo Essential

Pulse Solo Essential

Penises need vibrators too! With the Pulse Solo Essential you’ll be getting PulsePlate Technology™, Award Winning Guybrator™, 8 Speed Oscillator, and 5 vibration modes with adjustable frequency – it’s a no brainer!

LELO F1s Developer’s Kit

F1s Developer's Kit

Penises now also get to join in on the fun of LELO’s sensonic technology with the F1s Developer’s Kit. This stroker is no ordinary one – app connected, fully waterproof, 10 sensors, free downloadable content – experience the difference now!

Tenga Flip Orb

Flip Orb

Squishy TPE bumps provide marvelous combination of hard & soft textures along with a suction canal to provides out of this world sensations.

SenseMax EcoSystem VR Pleasure Set

Sense EcoSystem VR Pleasure Set

In our opinion this is the ultimate Coronavirus kit for penises. This immersive VR experience provides pleasure without the hefty price tag or a bulky device to get in the way. Equipped with motion-sensing technology band detects the speed at which you stroke your hand while information is then sent to an app where the on-screen action syncs with your stroking motion to create the ultimate interactive fantasy. This is the future!

Previous ArticleNext Article

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.