Most couples start in the bedroom with a mixture of lust and passion. Those heated moments feel great but eventually, you might be left wanting more. The same cycle of positions creates less physical and mental stimulation after they become predictable.
But sex kinks make things fun again.
Kinks can make encounters feel new all the time.
Without a doubt, evolving from a strictly vanilla relationship to something kinkier can be challenging—but it creates many fun opportunities too.
The trick is to find out what kinks work for you and your partner and explore them further. But, don’t let it bother you when something turns out to be a “turn off” because you never know until you try and it is all for fun!
What is a “Kink” Exactly?
A “kink” is practically any sexual behavior that is outside of the norm.
This term is most commonly used to describe taboo activities that are classified as “fetishes”. But, a kink does not have to be taboo just because it’s labeled as a kink—people are more sexually explorative nowadays and the line for what is seen as normal sexual behavior has stretched.
Some examples of sexual kinks include:
- Anal sex
- Dressing up
- Foot worship
- Rough sex
- Sex toys
- Strap-on sex
As you can tell, the word “kink” is pretty generic. Some serious-sounding fetishes are on that list which may not seem beginner-friendly. Meanwhile, you might be able to say that you have experience with at least a few of the lighter kinks that were listed.
Some of it will be very fun but you need to figure out what you want to try. Deciding on kinks to introduce to the bedroom is a team effort. Speak with your partner and read online, watch some porn together, and see what appeals to both of you.
Bring Sex Toys into the Bedroom
Sex toys can spice things up in the bedroom.
Read this guide on bringing sex toys into your relationship. Many couples find it awkward and stressful at first. With a little understanding of what to expect, you won’t be so on edge about the idea.
Feeling a bit more comfortable?
Start building your collection now!
Buy a beginner’s toy kit for couples or shop for a few products.
Some popular sex toy ideas for kink newbies include the following…
Butt plugs are a great way to get experience with anal play. For many, using a plug also helps with stretching the anus and helps lead to anal sex. Some butt plugs are pretty intense looking and should not be used by a beginner. If you’re new to butt plugs, go for something like the “Beaded Anal Plug” instead—that way, you can control the thickness level and still get the plug functionality.
Cock rings increase sexual pleasure for both the man and the woman. These rings help men achieve harder erections and, while they do help it, they are not always used for treating erectile dysfunction. Vibrating cock rings create an even more intense experience. These rings vibrate on the clitoris and also make for a unique, nearly indescribable experience for the man. Silicone is the best material as it won’t cause any irritation to the penis as long as you use lube. The “TENGA Smart Vibe Ring” is a good example of a simple yet effective vibrating cock ring.
Dildos provide the same stimulating penetration feeling that is felt from intercourse. A straight dildo works great for vaginal penetration. Get a realistic-looking dildo and try it yourself if you haven’t already. A 7-inch or 8-inch works best for most women. If you have the experience, possibly challenge yourself with a “Fist Dildo” which can work for both anal and vaginal penetration. Also, consider getting a “Clone-a-Willy” and turning your man’s rock-hard boner into a realistic vibrating dildo… It’s super exciting!
For men, get something like this prostate tickler to safely work into pleasuring yourself this way. Large size is not as important for anal penetration as it is with vaginal penetration. 4-5 inches will do. So long as the toy has a curved tip and is made of silicone, you won’t have any issues finding pleasure without pain. Of course, make sure to use lots of lube and work your way up to it—anal beads can help here.
Ready to jump into pegging? A strap-on toy does not have to be intense or expensive. You can use many normal dildos with a harness. Check if the dildo is compatible with a strap-on harness to see whether this is possible. If not, a product like the 6-inch King Cock will provide a great experience for beginners.
Vibrating panties are an exciting way to spice things up. Make it more fun by buying a pair that is either controllable with a remote or through a mobile app. These vibrating panties are a great example of a quality product. With those, you have eight vibrating patterns and 12 speeds to pick and one charge lasts for an hour of playtime.
A vibrator is a girl’s best friend…
Go for quality, such as the best-selling “Rabbit Lily Vibrator” and never be let down!
The “rabbit” style vibrator is today’s number one choice for a reason: it provides stimulation to both the clitoris and the g-spot at the same time. Before this innovative vibe came out, most women would choose to chase a clitoris or g-spot orgasm only. With a rabbit vibrator, you can have the best of both worlds
For women that love clit orgasms, a specialty item like the “Nora Clitoral Stimulator” will do wonders. This product is waterproof and offers 10 different vibration modes. It feels great on the clit and can also be used for nipple play.
A Touch of Grey – BDSM for Beginners
Which shade is right for you? BDSM has many sides and most will not be very appealing but there are endless options. Certainly, if you take the time to explore the depths of BDSM you will find a particular kink that sets you off like never before.
BDSM Psychology 101
Before you proceed, it is important to understand the psychology behind why different parts of BDSM are so erotic. Everyone enjoys these activities differently but most find that it is the mental aspect, not the physical factors that make it so fun.
You find yourself tied down and immobilized. Your partner is in full control and can do anything. Every physical feeling is intensified because of your inability to respond. Imagine being the female—getting teased and then penetrated and fully focusing on feeling what’s inside of you. Imagine being the male—however and however long your woman wishes.
Your teases you all day while you are at work by sending you naked pictures. You are told you can sneak off to the bathroom to take care of “your problem”. But, if you do, there will be a punishment to face later. You take advantage of your chance. Nighttime comes and you find yourself getting teased again. Suddenly, you are told, “Now, it’s time for your punishment…” The mystery will excite you, the intensity will delight you.
Your pleasure is in inflicting pain or humiliation and knowing it’s desired. You have complete control over how you will administer this pain. Your “victim” has made the limits clear and the rest comes down to your performance. Will it be the whip, flogger, or maybe a belt today? Will you leave a welt? How much do you want your willing victim to beg for more while kneeling at your mercy?
Your pleasure is in receiving pain or getting humiliated. You love not having control and get off on the feeling of someone else finding pleasure in using you. Your “master”, “mistress”, “owner”, or maybe just your “boss” is the one running the show. Your kinks are known and you will get enough compassion. You might find yourself worshipping feet or ass, performing oral on command, getting spanked with a paddle, tortured with candle wax… who knows? The fun is in submitting to the one who rules over you and letting the psychology create physical sensations every step of the way.
List of Common Light BDSM Fantasies & Fetishes
You do not need to jump into the deep end just yet. Start slow and explore some of the lighter kinks in the BDSM world. The following list of fantasies and fetishes are perfect for beginners. While you might not be interested in many, give a chance to the ones that do sound exciting…
One other first hops into the taboo world for most vanilla couples is anal play. A great way to get familiar is by using beginner-friendly anal toys. There’s something for everyone, men included—the prostate is the male g-spot after all. Try out anal beads, butt plugs, dildos, and more. Many of these toys are available in vibrating models as well.
It doesn’t matter who is in charge, or maybe it does. Either way—the pleasure can be felt from both roles. As the giver, there is a sense of humiliation and degradation that can be felt. As the receiver, a sense of power, control, and physical pleasure can be felt. It can be a sensual and passionate experience or a derogatory roleplaying scenario with verbal demands and objectification (ex. Name-calling).
Use restraints to spice up oral, penetration, and toy play.
Ropes are one of the most common bondage items for beginners. Some common types of specialty bondage gear include armbinders, blindfolds, collars, gags, hoods, muzzles, spreader bars, and wrist/ankle restraints. Bondage furniture (ex. A sex wedge with cuffs) and suspension equipment (ex. A sex swing) are also popular.
Don’t overthink things; check out some beginner-friendly bondage gear instead…
A chastity device puts “your cock on lock” until your woman says he can be a free man. Your bent-up sexual frustration makes for steaming hot desire. You might have to pleasure her before you’re let loose, but once you do—the sensation will be way more intense than normal. You might have to wear your chastity while at work or out on a date too. This device isn’t just about sensation but also about giving your woman power over your manhood.
A display of power can be extremely hot. Many men and women enjoy being choked during foreplay and intercourse. Women often enjoy the feeling of restraint and submissiveness that comes during rough sex. Meanwhile, men like the slight submissive feeling and feel challenged to thrust harder when being choked during intercourse.
Cock and Ball Torture
Your balls are one of the most sensitive parts of your body. You probably know this from experience pain down there once or twice in your life. When done sensually, that pain can be pleasurable. Be verbal on your pain tolerance but give it a shot.
Either of you can take control. Dom (male dominant) and domme (female dominant) are the titles that describe a person in a power position. The dom or domme will keep control of the encounter from start to finish. The same person does not need to dominate all the time; many couples enjoy being “switches” which simply means you take turns as you like.
You may be a woman that enjoys using dildo toys. You find yourself craving a larger size every time. Fisting is tough for beginners but it is completely possible with the right preparation and commitment. An inflatable dildo might be a good stepping stone if you are unsure of how much you can handle inside of you. While fisting has to be done carefully, it is not anywhere near as dangerous as it seems.
A dominatrix’s whip of choice… The flogger comes with an easy to use handle and features multiple tails. The tails are the part that whips against the body and are usually made with hair, leather, or suede. This sex toy is perfect for punishing a submissive. Just make sure to hit a meaty spot of the body such as the upper back or buttocks. There is a learning curve to using a flogger (or even a whip for that matter) but it’s worth it.
The sensation of being beaten can be a turn on. Impact comes as a stinging sensation (ex. Being slapped) or a thud (ex. Being punched). Some couples have fun with “fight sex”. Others might incorporate whips, paddles, and other beating objects into foreplay or intercourse. Not all beating objects have to be specialty sex toys—for example, a plastic spatula from the kitchen could work wonders.
An ongoing master/slave play scenario might be appealing if the psychology of dominant and submissive becomes a primary form of arousal. You can make the power exchange about more than just sex. This dynamic could become a 24/7 lifestyle. As long as you respect each other, there’s no harm in assuming the role of master and slave if you both identify strongly with one more than the other.
A penile orgasm feels great but men have more sensitivity in their prostate. This part is the “g-spot for men” and will create a full-body orgasm sensation if properly worked. Read about how to have a prostate orgasm to better understand how milking works. Many men find this to be an overwhelmingly enjoyable experience after the initial weariness is pushed aside.
The nipples are sensitive and a key source for arousal. A bit of pain can create a pleasurable experience and also helps in domination/submission scenarios. You can improvize and use items like clothespins but it’s important to accommodate your pain tolerance. A popular choice for people playing with nipple torture is to invest in nipple clamps.
The woman takes the top position and penetrates her man. He serves as the bottom and gives her the ultimate power exchange. Sometimes it isn’t about top or bottom though. The prostate is where men get the most intense orgasm. Pegging (strap-on sex) allows for that spot to be targeted which provides the male with extreme pleasure.
You are now a human dog. You wear a collar and leash. Your owner leads you and dictates your behavior. You might find yourself eating out of doggy bowls or sleeping in a cage (“kennel”) at times. Your owner is in charge but the two of you can decide how far to take it.
This kink is commonplace in most vanilla relationships but not normally pursued to the fullest extent. Make things more fun by intentionally involving rough actions like biting, choking, scratching, hair-pulling, spanking, and whatever else might come to mind. Pin your partner’s arms down, restrain them and perform intercourse while being rough in every way. Make sex a more active experience and the roughness will create stimulating physical sensations.
Let your man have full control of you when out on a date or watching a movie at home. A remote-controlled pair of vibrating panties offers the element of surprise and gives the man the power. With varying vibration strengths, you will find yourself teased and tormented at a whim until it’s finally down to “get down to business”. By far, it’s a great way to build sexual tension and add a power dynamic into dates or normal daily activities.
Candle wax can create pleasurable pain. The temperature that a wax melts will vary depending on the candle you buy. Therefore, there are options for everyone regardless of pain tolerance levels.
Roleplaying is for Everyone
Roleplaying is exciting both inside and outside of BDSM scenarios. You do not need to take on the roles of dom(me) or sub to make a roleplaying scene fun. The domination and submission factors do come naturally with some scenarios. In others, you might want to add some BDSM kinks into the mix but it’s not always necessary.
Although, switching it up and taking turns being the “dominant one” is a fun way to roleplay on its own. You could take turns playing out fantasies or simply using the other for your pleasure and demanding the encounter to go however you want.
Fun Roleplaying Ideas for Beginners
Some examples of fun role-playing scenarios for newly kinky couples include:
- Police officer/detainee
- Porn star/director
- Fitness instructor/client
- Strangers meeting at a bar
- Having your virginity taken
Porn can also be a great resource for role-playing ideas, of course!
Get Creative with Roleplaying Scenarios
Use your creativity when thinking of role-playing scenarios. Get detailed with your partner and draw out most of what will happen during the encounter. Have fun with it. You could write “Literotica” stories painting random fantasies and send them to each other. Dip into the collection and choose to try some of the more exciting ones.
Dress up too. Some costume play can be both fun and funny. There’s no harm in laughing a little during intimate moments. The memories will serve as a reminder of why a kinky sexual lifestyle appeals to both of you. If you guys are SciFi fanatics or gamers then have fun with some cosplay dress up. If not, maybe take on the persona of a celebrity (such as Elvis, John Cena, Madonna, or Nicki Minaj). You get the point…
Stripping for your partner is a fun way to get them aroused and adds some light-heart amusement into the mix. Think Demi Moore in Striptease or Gerard Butler in P.S. I Love You., two hot scenes for the other gender.
Add a costume and it’s even more fun. Many women love the idea of a police officer stripteasing for them while they’re restrained. Many men enjoy the idea of being seduced by a sexy woman as she takes off her wardrobe one piece at a time.
But it is just the beginning!
Bringing kinks into your sex life creates many fun opportunities. Creativity and communication are key for making the most of “walking on the wild side”. Be comfortable with each other and have fun with it. Fetishes and fantasies do not need to be scary or dark secrets.
While it’s a “different strokes for different folks’ scenario, you will be surprised how many of these beginner kinks excite both partners. Get reading more, watch some porn, and check out sex toys together—your lust haven awaits you.
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