What does being a good lover mean to you?
There is no formula for being a better partner. Every relationship is different and the way that people prefer to give and receive love is equally as unique.
Check out these 9 ways to be a better lover. Your partner will undoubtedly be impressed.
1. Revisit the firsts.
No matter if your lover is fresh off the press or if they’ve been around for longer than you can keep track, the first moments you shared together will always be special.
Think about which firsts resonate most with your relationship.
Was it the first time you met? The first meal you shared?
Maybe it was the first time you traveled together or the first time you shared a sexual moment?
No matter the first that hits home for you, take the time to remind your lover of this memory. It can be as simple as you bringing it up in conversation or revisiting the place where the magic happened.
2. Invite an intimate evening.
Make room for an evening of intimacy. Remember that intimacy can look like many different things, so do what feels most natural for you and your lover.
Draw a bath, light some candles, warm up the sheets. Keep things soft and simple or shake things up.
Whether you choose to bask in romance or take part in a sexual rodeo, make these moments a priority. These types of evenings can take place any night of the week. No need to wait around for a perfectly planned date night to recharge the intimate flows or your relationship.
3. Chat love language.
An amazing way to be a better lover is to understand your partner’s love language (you should also take the time to know your own).
Not familiar with the 5 love languages? We have you covered.
- Quality time
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
Which of these “languages” make you feel the most loved and appreciated? Do you know how your partner best receives love?
Knowing which love language or languages speak the most to you and your lover will allow you to incorporate words and actions into your relationship that really make your partner go ooooooh.
For example, if your partner’s love language is words of affirmation, take the time to tell them how you feel about them. Be sure to compliment them and share words that make them feel good. On the flipside, if your partner’s love language is quality time, make plans to spend time with one another. These moments don’t have to be elaborate or planned weeks in advance —
The fact that they are shared is special enough.
4. Explore pleasure.
A fabulous way to be a better lover is to spark your relationship after hours.
Just as your personalities, interests, and energies evolve overtime, so do your sexual preferences and desires. So don’t hesitate to explore new things with your partner. As you can expect, keeping things interesting is the most effective way to keep things from getting boring.
For many lovers, switching things up in bed isn’t the challenge. Rather, it’s knowing what to do to add some depth to the dirty.
Here are some ideas for how to explore pleasure in new and exciting ways.
Get lost in the lace.
So much of increased pleasure is visual. For those empowered by wearing something sneaky, throw on some lace and surprise your partner with some eye candy.
Lingerie is a sexy segway into moments of intimacy and pleasure; put on something stringy if you are looking to spice things up in the bedroom. The beauty of lingerie is in its diversity. From soft and frilly to silky and, dare it be said, slutty, wear what makes you feel confident.
Invite a third party… a toy is a good place to start.
Looking to take you and your partner’s pleasure to a new level? It may be time to invite a friend.
Whether that be a third person, a vibrating companion or anal additions, you can’t go wrong.
If your love life is welcoming a toy or two, there are few things you should consider before purchasing, depending on what you like and what you are wanting to explore. These toys are favorites for a reason and serve different purposes in the bedroom. Take your pick…
Better Love – Better Touch Vibe
Revel in the ecstasy of The Better Touch Vibe. This fabulous pleasure toy is 100% waterproof, easy to clean, and has a simple single button operation. InStyle Magazine even shared that “It’s the perfect accessory to take on the road; it’s so compact that you could fit it into your teeniest-tiniest purse and nobody would know it’s there. Plus, it’s pretty enough to leave on the nightstand without drawing attention.”
Satisfyer Beads – Black Set of 2
If you are in the beginning stages of exploring your sexual desires, the Satisfyer Beads are the perfection option for you! Designed with beginners in mind, these anal beads are made from a super-soft, medical-grade silicone that’s smooth to the touch and extremely hygienic.
Mod Designs Love Thruster Sex Machine
The Mod Love Deluxe Thruster Sex Machine delivers unmatched performance with long strokes, quiet operation, and an accurate dial controller. Use it at multiple angles while attached to its base. or detach it completely for increased versatility. Features a powerful motor and is CE approved. It also includes a FREE attachment to get you started.
Don’t confuse “being a better lover” with “being softer or more gentle”. In many cases, being a better lover comes down to maximizing you and your partner’s pleasure. BDSM and bondage are one way to do just that.
BDSM can be a daunting next step, but some of life’s greatest adventures are the ones that started with a little hesitation. So, push your doubts to the side and dive in. As they say, you won’t know until you try.
From whips and swings to handcuffs and clamps, the world of BDSM and bondage is as big as you want to make it… so do some exploring.
5. Communicate honestly.
You probably know this one already… Being a good lover is more than just making love.
Communication is the prerequisite to having a healthy and profound relationship. Doing so sets the stage for seamless and satisfactory experiences between you and your partner, both sexually and not-sexually.
This requires you to be honest in your communication. Even if what you are feeling isn’t necessarily reciprocated by your lover, it is important to share. Bottling up emotions out of fear that your partner won’t agree can be detrimental to your connection and can result in you holding back in areas of your relationship.
First, practice being honest with yourself, and then focus on communicating this to your partner. Preserving and growing what you share with your lover is dependent on this – so make it an ongoing priority.
6. What you say vs. how you say it. Know the difference.
Within the realm of communication, another tip for being a better lover is knowing the difference between what you say and how you say it…
… especially when it comes to improving your sexual relationship with your partner.
For example, let’s say you are feeling like your needs are not being met sexually. Maybe your partner isn’t focusing enough on your pleasure. This feeling is totally valid and you should feel empowered to share. The key is knowing how to communicate it –
And the difference can be detected in the sentence starter.
Instead of saying “I need you to focus more on me” or “you are not taking care of my needs sexually”, try out starting the conversation with “I feel like…”. By framing your concerns as emotions and not fact, you welcome an open conversation with your partner about what may be missing from your love life.
A statement like “I feel like we can do more to pleasure each other” is a fantastic way to segway into a productive discussion about how to be better lovers to each other.
7. Share something sweet.
Share something sweet, daily.
This sweet little something doesn’t need to be planned or extravagant. A compliment, kind words, a note or sweet treats are small tokens of appreciation that showcase investment.
Reminding your lover that they are special to you on a daily basis is a great way to improve your intimacy and connection, but these acts of kindness shouldn’t be forced. Share what feels natural, your lover will be forever grateful.
8. Open your ears.
Being a better partner is rooted in many things, but there is one action that you can do that will surely skyrocket your lover status…
…and that is listening.
While some are natural-born listeners and observers, others are quicker to talk, assume, and seize conversations. If this sounds like you, remind yourself to take a step back and absorb what your partner has to say.
Even if they are saying nothing at all, this should tell you something. Also, it is just as important to listen to your lover’s body language as it is to the words that come out of their mouth. By opening your ears with intent, you fuel a deeper bond with your partner that is more true to how each of you are feeling.
9. Add “What do you like?” to your vocabulary.
In the world of soft touch, tongue and teasing, it is important that “What do you like?” is on the forefront of your vocabulary.
But how can 4 simple words make such a big difference to your love life? Well, it’s simple.
Everyone’s preferences are different. Just as you can’t expect your partner to automatically know what turns you on, you can’t truly know what makes them feel the same without asking. By asking “What do you like” or “Do you like this or this”, you communicate that you are interested in bringing them real pleasure.
By asking your partner these types of questions, they will learn to do the same with you. This will allow you to grow into a sexual relationship that is tailored to your needs, preferences, and deepest desires.
Sounds pretty good, right?
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