Staying home this season? 10 ways to inspire your sex life and boost libido
If you’re like most people, you’re likely at home this season, enduring what feels like another endless pandemic winter. Bummer, right?
According to a recent Kinsey Institute survey, many participants reported having less sex than before the pandemic. 43.5% of participants saw a decrease in their overall sex life quality throughout the pandemic.
The numbers make sense; if you’re a single person weathering lockdown alone, your options for meeting people are few and far between. If you’re coupled or have kids, dealing with family life, school, or work obligations without a break can put a damper on how frequently you feel inclined to jump into bed.
Whatever your circumstance, if you’ve found you’re having less sex (or less good sex) over the pandemic while managing at-home obligations, have no fear; what you’re going through is common! Read on for ways to shake up your sex routine and boost your sex drive.
1. Reframe your expectations
When you change your expectations from having sex to making time to connect with your partner, this mindset shift can work wonders for libido. The pressure to perform can hurt the chances of having sex. Instead of thinking, “let’s have sex tonight,” you might make time for whatever happens, whether that’s something as simple as unplugging from devices and sensually touching one another. This reframe gives your libido a chance to catch up to your mind.
2. Start with mindfulness
Studies show that mindfulness is a successful tool to treat multiple forms of sexual dysfunction and can enhance the quality of overall sex and even the strength of orgasms! To practice mindfulness in the bedroom, focus on your sensations. Instead of going on autopilot, tap into what you’re experiencing, and you might find yourself inspired to try new things or notice new feelings during familiar positions. Mindfulness can also help reduce stress, which is a critical component in how high or low someone’s libido is.
3. Figure out your desire language
We all know the five love languages—words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, receiving gifts, and acts of service. But have you ever thought about your desire language? Desire languages, like love languages, can help us understand what turns us on, and how a partner might implement those turn-ons, thus helping spark libido. You might be surprised to know how simple (or even nonsexual) desire languages can be. Sometimes, it’s as simple as walking in the door and finding your partner has cleaned the house or making time to receive touch before sex is on the table.
Sexting can help partners spark libido throughout the day, and it can also help drop the hint of having sex. Sexting can help people to feel less self-conscious and more comfortable talking about sex. New to sexting? Start with these simple ideas:
-Remember that time we ___ in ___? I’m thinking about that right now.
-When can I see you wearing that lingerie you look so sexy in again?
-Thinking about you naked.
5. Plan a vacation
If you find yourself feeling tired or uninspired in the sex department, sometimes, you just need something to look forward to. Plan a stress-free vacation for when times are safer and don’t skimp on talking about all of the sexy things you want to do to each other when you’re there.
If you’re not quite in the mood for sex at home, you might be on vacation!
6. Buy a new toy
Buying a new sex toy can facilitate conversations about desire, fantasies, and pleasure. Bringing a sex toy into the bedroom can also boost trust between partners. Thanks to the evolution in sex tech, there is a sex toy for everything and anyone. Sex toys can help increase pleasure because they provide sensations that fingers, tongues, and bits cant, but they also can help as a component to a role play. Friendly reminder: sex toys are for any gender and can increase satisfaction (read: better orgasms) and length of time spent doing the do.
If you find yourself in a sex rut, it might be an excellent time to fantasize about roles you’ve always been curious about. This might include exploring power dynamics or acting as strangers who have just met. Be sure to chat about the fantasy before you roleplay, so you know what is agreed upon beforehand. Feel free to incorporate outfits and toys into your fantasy to make it more real.
8. Mutual masturbation
Studies show that partners who masturbate have better quality sex and satisfaction. If you’re struggling with low libido, masturbating with your partner can help boost your sex drive. Plus, you might find there’s just something hot about watching your boo touch themself. You can try mutual masturbation as a way to increase libido, as foreplay, or as a primary sex activity. Don’t forget the lube!
9. Plan a sensual date night
Like a date night, planning a sensual night includes quality time where you can explore de-stressing together in multiple ways. You might try taking a bath together, rubbing each other with warm massage candle wax, taking turns receiving your favorite type of touch, whether that’s back scratches or a head rub, or cuddling. Sensual nights can help partners reconnect who are stressed from all of the obligations that come with maintaining work and home life.
10. Add an element of newness
If your sex looks more like a 10-minute race to orgasm rather than an exploration, consider adding an element of newness! This could look like trying a new position, experimenting with BDSM, adding a vibrator to the mix, or reading sexy stories to one another. One quality of fulfilling sex is excitement. Adding a new sexy activity, position, or form of foreplay can rewrite a played sex script to something new and thrilling.