Whether you are in a committed relationship or living through exploratory sexual adventures, it is important that you feel empowered in bed. Feeling good about your body, movement, communication and ability to pleasure a partner – or many – is the key to sexual confidence.
For some, this may come easier than others. If you are someone who has struggled to feel like a sensual champion while hanging out under the sheets, don’t fret…
There is so much to be learned.
Just like in any part of your life, confidence doesn’t come overnight. Even the most bold and beautiful figures struggle to maintain genuine self-assurance.
But, just because low self-esteem is common in today’s society does not mean that you should settle for anything less than radiant confidence, especially when it comes to your sex life.
Benefits of Sexual Confidence
The greatest benefit of feeling confident and empowered in the bedroom is simple – enhanced pleasure for both you and your partner.
The following 10 tips will teach you how to safely and surely unleash the confidence that your sexual experiences have been missing. Get ready to experience a new you…
… and maybe an orgasm or two.
1. Ditch comparative thinking.
The most turbulent enemy of your sexual confidence is comparative thinking. Comparing yourself to others, or even to previous versions of you, is a toxic practice in any part of your life.
Feeling empowered in bed requires that you live in the moment. Don’t let the figure of the influencer you saw on Instagram or the piece of lingerie that no longer fits hold you back from achieving authentic sexual confidence.
In the moments that you catch yourself in the rabbit hole of comparison, remember that the person you see in the mirror is you. Remind yourself of your beauty and worth and love your body because it is yours!
As Aibleen Clark so eloquently put it, “You is kind. You is smart. You is important.”
We’d like to change that up a bit — You is kinky. You is sexy. You is incredible.
2. Do what you like, not what you think is right.
In a world where the media are quick to showcase romance, intimacy and promiscuity, it is so easy to see and believe that what happens on screen is the right way to entertain a partner.
Porn has taken this even further.
Depending on the type of porn you watch, it is important to remember that just like the characters in 50 Shades of Grey and 365 Days, the people you see in pornographic films are actors.
These sexually glorified scenes are created to entertain. How these actors look, what they say, and how they finish the scene are scripted and intended to intrigue an audience.
When you are in bed with a partner or partners, your goal should not be to intrigue your audience. It should be to maximize pleasure for everyone involved. So, don’t mimic what you see on TV and do what makes you and your partner feel good. After all, achieving mutual pleasure is a confidence booster.
3. Move at your own pace.
Sexual confidence is corrupted when you move faster than you are comfortable with.
There is absolutely no problem with chilling at first base before running over to second. If those you are sexually active with pressure you to move at a quicker pace than you would like, it is important to communicate that you would like to take things slower.
No matter the reason you want to take things slow, know that you don’t have to share them in detail with a sexual partner. Simply saying “I am not comfortable doing this” or “not right now, but may another time in the future” is all your partner needs to hear to acknowledge your boundaries.
If what you share is not respected, reiterate your boundaries and know when to step away. There are plenty of fish in the sea —
It is best you find one that will swim at your pace.
4. Acknowledge inner-dialogue.
Your sexual confidence is a product of your inner-dialogue. The thoughts that go through your head during sexual encounters can make or break how you perceive your strengths in bed.
Notice when your inner-dialogue is unhealthy. Talking down to yourself and promoting your insecurities is the quickest way to strip your sexual self of any level of confidence.
5. Learn what brings you pleasure.
According to Planned Parenthood, knowing what you want and how to get it is a confidence booster, allowing you to appreciate your body and become comfortable with what turns you on and off.
While a sexual partner can be insightful in this category, you cannot be dependent on someone else to teach you what you like.
It is time to take matters into your own hands. Literally.
See what makes you go ooooh.
Explore new places and positions.
6. Communicate with your partner.
Sexual confidence requires healthy and honest communication with your partner, especially when it comes to communicating your preferences.
Your sexual partners cannot read your mind. Knowing what you like only works when you share what turns you on and off. Doing so doesn’t have to be a negative experience for your partner — remind them that you sharing feedback is intended to enhance your pleasure, and not to be critical of their performance.
In fact, you should encourage your partner to do the same. When all parties involved communicate what brings them the most pleasure, orgasms are open for delivery.
7. Oil it up.
Nothing bursts confidence like your body not reciprocating your sexual enthusiasm. Aka: feeling a bit dry.
Using lube is perfectly normal and will create the wet playground that your sex life is craving. Lubrication will reduce friction, smooth skin, and keep your body feeling optimal, allowing you to channel true confidence, regardless of your age, gender, or sexual experience.
While you deserve to feel sexy and confident while wearing absolutely nothing at all, a little jewelry and lace never hurt anyone.
You would be surprised by the power of a pair of earrings and a sexy lingerie set.
And don’t rush to take it off. If you are playing around with a sexual partner, nothing boosts confidence or anticipation in bed like a little teaser.
9. Dim the lights.
Let’s be real – when are fluorescent lights ever flattering?
Your sexual confidence should be promoted by your environment, so set the stage. Dim the lights and burn some candles — the warm yellow glow is not only intimately charged, but can be very relaxing.
So next time you are in a sexual setting, whether it is in the company of a partner or a luxury vibrator, tone down the lighting and say hello to your show-stopping, sexy silhouette.
10. Set boundaries, unapologetically.
Oh what a beautiful command. Exemplary of your sexual preferences, boundaries, and consent-driven communication.
For years, women were at the mercy of patriarchal penises and not empowered – or even permitted – to say no.
Today, “no” is an essential part of any sexually active person’s vocabulary, regardless of gender, sexual preferences, and experience, so use it without hesitation —
Not comfortable performing a requested sexual favor?
Not okay with how rough a sexual partner is?
Not at all enjoying a partner’s presence?
It’s simple. When you and your partner (or partners) understand each other’s boundaries, you can explore each other’s bodies confidently. Don’t ever feel guilty for saying no or setting hard boundaries, and always accept the boundaries of others.