10 common sex myths slashed: Why bigger is not better
You likely grew up hearing a few myths about sex that you might have thought were true. Unfortunately, many people don’t get the opportunity to correct these myths. That’s why today, we’re stepping in to right a few wrongs. Myths around sex can breed misinformation and perpetuate stigma. They can also lead to unsafe sex and less pleasure. We’re firm believers that everyone deserves accurate facts about sex. Plus, worrying about whether bigger is better can totally cramp your game.
Ready for some truth bombs?
1. Bigger is better
There’s scanty evidence that says that a larger penis causes more pleasure. There’s also a much easier way to find out how to drive someone crazy, and rest assured, it has nothing to do with penis size. Ready for that sex tip, brought to you by the sex god Aphrodite herself? Just ask. Yep, it’s really that simple. Pleasure has nothing to do with size; good sex has everything to do with listening to your partner’s wants, desires, and body.
2. The only way to have sex is penis-in-vagina
Wrong, again! There are infinite ways to have sex, and the idea that sex equates to penis-in-vagina is heteronormative and chock-full of limitations. In truth, sex means different things for different people. What someone’s definition of what sex means to them is entirely dependant on them. Sex can include toys, fingers, kissing, oral, kink, or even energetic exchange. Defining sex as only one thing can get in the way of experimenting with other forms of pleasure. What does sex mean to you?
3. Orgasms are the only mark of pleasure
While it’s true that orgasms feel incredible and are full of myriad benefits, they’re not the only reason to have sex or even a marker that sex was good. When you start to shift your focus from orgasming to noticing each moment and all of the sensations that arise, sex becomes more of an experience than a trip from a to b. Also, if someone doesn’t orgasm, that doesn’t mean that they didn’t enjoy the sex. Taking the pressure off of achieving orgasm can help people relax and enjoy the experience.
4. Vaginal orgasms are the standard way for people with vaginas to orgasm
Orgasms vary for the individual. With that said, clitoral orgasms are more common than vaginal orgasms. A study found only 25% of women orgasm during intercourse. Most people with vaginas require direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Unlike you might see in a mainstream porn scene, it’s pretty common for people with vulvas to need fingers, toys, or oral sex on the clitoris to orgasm.
5. The longer the sex lasts, the better
Just as orgasms are not the marker of a pleasurable time in the sheets, neither is how long it lasts. Some true indicators of pleasure are: did the person tell you the sex was great? Was there consent, communication, and attunement to one another’s body? Whether you bone for 5 minutes or have an all-day sex marathon, sex is always about quality over quantity. Timing, orgasms, or how erect or wet someone is, does not indicate that sex was pleasurable. But their words do!
6. A healthy sex life shouldn’t need toys
It’s a myth that bringing sex toys to the bedroom means that a sex life needs help or there’s something wrong with it. You can best think of sex toys as enhancers, and they’re also signs of a healthy sex life because they indicate that pleasure is prioritized. So whether you’re bringing in vibrators, lubricant, or a leather flogger, these additions only suggest a healthy sexual palette. Using sex toys can help partners increase intimacy, overall satisfaction, and healthy experimentation.
7. Real life sex is accurately portrayed in porn, and you should watch it for tips
In the movie Sex Appeal, the main character Avery remarks that learning how to have sex from porn is like learning how to drive by watching Fast & Furious. Porn is a fictional depiction of sex, and the people on screen are paid actors. So instead of learning tips and tricks from the ol’ hub, ask your partner what they are into. Real sex is messy, joyful, awkward, pleasurable, and definitely not shiny and perfect as you might see in a porn scene. Good sex thrives on consent, communication, and aftercare, none of which you’ll see on a mainstream porn site.
8. Masturbation is for single people, not people in relationships
Would you be surprised to learn that masturbation in a relationship is not only healthy and normal but can lead to greater marital and relational satisfaction? Research shows that masturbation has positive side effects for a relationship, including increasing sex drive. Masturbation is how many people learn what feels good, and learning what you like can help a partner better understand how to touch you. Masturbation can also improve self-esteem, improve quality of sleep, help treat sexual dysfunction, and reduce stress. Oh, and in case you’re wondering, it doesn’t make you go blind, either.
9. There’s something wrong with you if you’re into kink
Kink has long been pathologized, and it wasn’t until 2013 that it was taken out of The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). Though it has long been misunderstood, the sexual and non-sexual practices of kink not only are normal, but for some people, kink has tons of benefits. Kink can be part of a healthy sex life and increase intimacy and healthy experimentation. Kink is a form of consensual adult play that can offer physical and psychological perks, like increasing mindfulness.
10. You can’t get pregnant during period sex
While it’s rare, you can still get pregnant while having sex on your period. Sperm can survive for up to 5 days. Getting pregnant during your period also largely depends on where someone is in terms of their ovulation window.
The bottom line? Sex myths are harmful and can contribute to incorrect ideas about how to do it or achieve pleasure.